"Everybody got their recorders? I want to make sure," said the artist formerly known as Chad Johnson.
And one of the most fascinating conference calls perhaps in the history of the National Football League began this morning.
Chad Ochocinco is a non-stop entertainer and couldn't have done a better job of promoting Sunday's game between his Bengals and the Jets. As anyone in the Twitter world knows, Johnson is eager for his one-on-one matchup (if it materializes) against Jets cornerback Darrelle Revis.
"Me and Revis is better than Pacquiao and Mayweather. Period. Case closed," he said. "I don't know what anybody is doing Sunday night — if you don't tune in to the game Sunday, you have no life."
Ochocinco, who remains Carson Palmer's favorite target, has set his sights on his next touchdown reception. If he gets No. 10, he plans to put on a Bengals fireman's hat, have an offensive lineman boost him up to the goalpost, and then he'll attempt to quiet the crowd in Fireman Ed fashion before asking the spectators to participate in a unique chant.
"It's a great challenge for their defense not to let me in, but if I get in I'm putting on that fireman helmet, and when I'm on top of my lineman's shoulders, they have to say the 'O-C-H-O, Ocho! Ocho! Ocho!' " he said.
While the Jets need a win to cement their first playoff appearance in three seasons, the Bengals have already claimed the AFC North and will host a playoff game on Wild Card Weekend as either the conference's No. 3 or No. 4 seed. Ochocinco (remember the source here) said the Bengals will take a different approach than the Colts had in Week 16.
"I swear to God," Johnson said. "I called Coach Lewis, from after Sunday's game to this point, at least 20 times and I asked him the same question: 'Coach, please don't get me excited. How much are we playing?' And he gave me that little giggle, ha-ha-ha, and then he said, 'We're playing the whole game, we're playing to win.' I said, 'OK, if you get me excited and you try to pull me out of the game, I'm not coming out. I will force you to use every timeout just to get me off the field.' "
The Ocho refers to the Jets' Defensive Player of the Year candidate as "Master Lock Revis," but he doesn't think Veinte Cuatro will be able to shut him down.
"Darrelle Revis couldn't cover me in a brown paper bag on a corner of a Manhattan street inside a phone booth," says Ochocinco, who has averaged 14.5 yards on his 72 receptions. "It's impossible. It's impossible."
Another Bengals receiver — Laveranues Coles — will face his former teammates on Sunday. Coles, a Jet from 2000-02 and '05-07, has 40 receptions and five TD catches through 15 games with his new club.
" 'The Sizzle Man' is the real deal. That's his name — the Sizzle Man," said Ochocinco. "He has been a great help to me. I've really stolen a lot of things from his game and added them to mine, which has helped me be successful this year in some of the things I do and really in me having more of an aggressive style of play, trying to be like him. He's a true warrior man — he's fought through injuries all year long and hasn't missed any time. He's been a great addition to this offense."
Revis, Bart Scott and the Jets' No. 1 defense will try to keep Cincinnati's offense quiet this week. The Bengals' No. 85, who spars in the boxing ring in the off-season, sent out a verbal warning to the Madbacker today.
"I think he'd better keep his talking to a minimum because I'll hit him in the mouth Sunday. I'll hit him in the mouth and I'm not playing," said The Ocho. "I know he takes a lot of things I say as a joke, but I'm not playing this time because I'm playing for something else and I'll hit him in the mouth, helmet on or helmet off, and I'll take that fine."
It's hard to believe Chad will turn 32 on Jan. 9, but boxing workouts have helped keep him in good shape. One of the NFL's most colorful characters is coming to take a bite out of the Big Apple.
"I was sparring in the off-season, but my cardio conditioning right now is ridiculous. I probably could go through the Tour De France right now with Lance Armstrong and be able to last."